Post by shanomacbry on Aug 24, 2009 15:09:09 GMT -5
XWCWFECW Chairman, Vince Mackmin, adresses the American Wrestling Alliance...
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It has come to my attention that two of my superstars, employees of the greatest wrestling company known to man and three of the sports BEST athletes, are former workers of yours. And for months now, ever since entering my establishment, they have shown flashes of brilliance... but have always seemed to have something holding them back. Some unknown force clamping down on their potential and never letting go. Wedging itself between these two athletic GODS... and the future that is so rightfully theirs for the taking. And finally, after months of not being able to get a word out of them as to exactly what occured in their past, one of them spoke up. One by the name... of JJ Mynuz. You may have heard of him. He worked for you people dilligently, and without breaking a sweat he even defeated some idiot by the name of Saidogai.
Yes, you people misused his talent, and abused his ego. So much so that when he came to work for me, he could barely speak without rambling on, using meaningless words such as "hizzle" and "fo shizzle". Whatever the hell that means. But before long, I transormed him into a world-class champion. And not to mention, the planet's FIRST cardboard-selling record rap artist. But something still plagued him. And I was determined to find out just what it was. He told me of a place where the fans had to sit through boring, mundane matches FILLED with restholds and chinlocks... a company so full of itself that it allows over the hill, past their prime geezers such as Adam Bawm and Brian Williams to take control out from beneath it's president's nose, and do whatever the hell they please! And the thing that wrenched my gut, the thing that nearly drove me to take a gun and put it to my head so I could remove myself from a world that would just stand by and let it happen... you people gave one certain individual a title shot. A WORLD title shot. And then when he fell short by a mere inch, did you exalt him for his efforts? Did you give him his deserved rematch? DID YOU EVEN GIVE THE MAN A SIMPLE "NICE TRY"?!
...
No. No, you didn't. And you want to know WHY you didn't? Because somewhere, deep down inside of you, you KNEW that HAD he won, you would have had to worship at HIS feet, the very same feet you ridiculed for stepping out from the closet. Yes, that's right. End Gay. Or End Game as he was once known. These two men have the potential to take over not only the wrestling world, but nations, continents... Earth as we know it. JJ Mynuz and the monster that IS End Game should be your World and US title holders. But they're not. But what ARE they? JJ Mynuz? Now known as W.D. Jackson, or Wheelin' Dealin' Jackson, the Granddaddy of Funk, the man that puts James Brown to shame each and every time he laces up the dancing shoes, W.D. is the XWCWFECW Interplanetary champion. Not to mention he's just like Catnip for the ladies.
And End Gay? He has re-adopted his birth name of Wes Rivers, and has climbed the ladder of sports entertainment success. He is now MY World's champion. And quite frankly, he's doing better here than he would have EVER done there. You see, my superstars are of a caliber higher than that of yours. While the AWA stalls around in the past, the XWCWFECW blazes a trail into the future. While the AWA relies on its laurels to carry it [as few and far between as they may be], the XWCWFECW breaks through a new wall every single damn time it hits America's air. Quite frankly, an AWA super-star wouldn't know what to DO if he ever stepped foot in an XWCWFECW ring. And to prove this? Heheh... to prove this, I am sending two, yes that's right, TWO of my highest caliber men to your company.
And I can guaran-damn-tee you that by the time September rolls around, they will have defeated every single member of your roster, and held atLEAST one title, if not every last one your pathetic "company" has to offer. And just who ARE these two men I dare to send to enemy territory? Well, I call them the Industry. Named as such because they are just that. THE Industry. They are what this business is all about. Or what it SHOULD be about, in the eyes of this visionary. Brutal, tough, hungry powerhouses, with take-no-prisoner attitudes, just like my champion Wes Rivers. G & W, two of the most vicous monsters this sport has ever seen.
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The Lost Script for the Lost Boys World Order...
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- The camera opens to a familiar scene. A ravaged Forest, where abundant life once sprung forth, and now... nothing but death. The camera at first slowly passes onward past a few patches of crab grass, but suddenly, a howl is heard, and the camera begins to shift hastily, as if struck by something. But yet, the camera ventures forward, past a few scarred trees... before again, a howl is heard, and the camera spins around in a total 360, leaving a few viewers assuredly dizzy. We venture finally into the view of an abandoned cabin... -
- And the camera instantly fills with static. The static takes hold of the screen for a mere ten seconds before it quickly disperses, replaced by a black and white screen. We are obviously seeing things through another camera... a lower-budget camera. A camera with the red dot and abbreviation "REC" in the upper-right hand corner. The camera is being held [very shakily mind you] inside of the aforementioned cabin, and with the black and white color scheme, things are hard to see. Whether this is intentional or not isn't quite clear just yet... -
"Mick, can you please hold the camera still before I have OMA kick your teeth in like last time?"
Mick Johnson: Yes Reeve, whatever you say Reeve, oh holy savior of all that is sports entertainment.
"Was that sarcasm, Johnson?"
Mick: No, Reeve, you know I'm as pathetic as my cousin Mike, Reeve. I just lack the ability to sucker brainless trash like those that infest the MCW into hanging on my every word... Reeve. I love you, boss, and I'd do absolutely ANYTHING for you Reeve, you know that Reeve, don't ya Reeve, huh huh? Don't ya, don't ya?
"I know it, that's why I hired you. You have exactly what your cousin Mike DOESN'T: A mind that tells him who the real brains in this business belongs to. And thanks to the family genes, you know about the only useful thing a Johnson knows how to do: How to make a career out of hitting people with shovels and make it look like you have SOME semblance of actual wrestling skill. That's why, Mick, in addition to being my personal cameraman and all-around lackey, I am entrusting you with something that I snatched out of MJ's truck one cold night in St. Louis a few years back. It's not as good as a shovel, but..."
- Reeve reaches into a brown travel bag, and pulls out... a garbage bag. He reaches into the garbage bag and pulls out... a broom! Reeve shows the broom off to the camera, as well as the man behind it. -
"So, what do you think?"
Mick: I don't think -
"I know, it is a little too expensive a brand for the likes of you, but I'll give you the pleasure of holding it until I find a store that sells brooms at less than a buck. Jeez, a whole dollar just for a d@mn broom, it's highway robbery I tells ya! So, I'll put this over on the table [he does] and now, I'll address the waiting public."
"... Away from this crummy excuse for a Forest. Because you know Vlad, after you made your return trip to the scene of the crime, I got to thinking about a few things. I'm just like this Forest. Once upon a time... I was grand. I was the greatest thing to happen to this business, just like this Forest was the greatest thing to hit St. Louis. But I faltered. I stumbled. And before you knew it, I had hit rock bottom, and went down into a heap of flames just like the very ground I stand on. My whole career? Nothing more than a footnote in the annals of proffesional wrestling. And its all thanks to two men. The men that took my eye off the ball just long enough for that one-hit wonder Triksta to swoop in and take my rightful gold."
"Mike... you're the one who screwed me first. You made my life a living hell in XAW, and thanks to my gullibility at the time, I gave into you. I allowed myself to be portrayed as a fool for shooting for you when I SHOULD have been shooting for the title. But Vlad... you screwed me second. When there was noone in the title scene but a bunch of clowns and nobodys, you burnt the only home I knew down to its very core just so I wouldn't have the will to carry on. You were a distraction. Nothing more, nothing less. But so very well conceived a distraction that it ended my entire run in XAW. So Vlad, Mike, thank you. Thank you for taking away what I deserved, what I craved, what I fought for years to achieve, and had taken away from me by some... some DEAD RAPPER!!! If that trick Triksta was here, I would dismantle him piece by piece, until there was nothing left but a few threads of nappy hair and what shreds of self-respect that "man" had left. Mick... let's go."
- Reeve picks up the broom and shoves it into his garbage bag, before heaving it over his shoulder... we fade out for a bit... -
- And folks, I'd just like to take this time out to pay our last respects to the Forest. Yes, the beloved raYne Forest, where many good times were spent. Today, it marks the last day anyone will step foot inside the once lush surroundings of the once majestic, once splendiferous jungle that was, once, a magnificent work of natural art and beauty. We will miss you, dear friend... Now, back to the stupidity.
+ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ +
The following is a paid advertisement for the...
L...
B...
W...
O.
- Scene: XAW Arena. Yes, you read that right, XA-friggin-W Arena. And the time? The taping for a little show they like to call Thrashing. Taping, yes, what, did you think they REALLY ran that show live? Gullible nitwit you are... At the moment, they're taping the pre-Thrashing show to be played, get this, AFTER Thrashing actually airs! What geniuses we have working in this industry... And what's worse, the show only reaches to St. Louis and its immediate vicinity, which means the only people watching are the die-hard XAW followers. Which makes for a VERY small audience, trust me. The show? "XAW Friday Night Feet" [they do get points in originality, I'll give 'em that], named mainly because... uh... steel-toed boots are not allowed. Hey, good a reason as any, right? -
- And it is AT this show where our story truly begins. It's match #3, the main event seeing as how most of the show is filled with replays [of events which, in actuallity, have yet to occur]. And wouldn't ya know, two of the jobbers to fill up the b-show main event slot are none other than MCW's own "Future Tag Team Champions", NFH, better known as No F'ing Heat!!!~1 And their opponents for tonight? None other than two of XAW's legends, and two of the most revered men in this sport... Webby, and the Russian. Russian, for those who've never witnessed an XAW telecast, is a drunken man in a chicken suit who is prone to shouting, "WHOA! I am definitely not to being the Joey Lawrence!". Webby? A vodka bottle. -
- And strangely enough, Webby has pinned both Andy Griffith as well as Antacid. Talk about No... F'ing... Heat!!!~1 -
- As Griffith and Antacid [aka, Griffin and Antagonist] finish their search for their missing balls, remembering they had none to begin with, Webby takes the microphone. -
Webby: ...
A-Rob: BY GAWD! BY GAWD! DID YOU HEAR THAT FOLKS! WEBBY JUST CHALLENGED REEVE TO STEP INTO THIS HERE VERY RING... TONIGHT!! HE KNOWS THAT THE SHOW IS BACK IN TOWN, AND THE ONE MAN THAT CAN PUT A STOP TO THE REIGN OF TERROR IS NOT A MAN AT ALL, BUT IS OUR 10 INCH GREAT AMERICAN HERO!!! WILL REEVE INVADE OUR PRECIOUS ARENA AFTER MAKING HIS DEBUT IN THAT OTHER FED THAT WE CAN'T MENTION EVEN THOUGH HALF OUR ROSTER IS ALREADY EMPLOYED THERE?!
- Will Reeve show up, even though he's signed under contract to our beloved MCW? Will MCW ever realize that half our roster is comprised of XAW's better... worse... uh... other half? WILL THE MADNESS EVER CEASE?! -
- No. -
============================================
*static*
.
.
.
... And now... something from Brawlers on a Budget. The ONLY Parody Fed on the net ...
... Besides mine of course. World Sports Entertainment. ...
... Check it out in the link in my profile ...
... Please? ... PRETTY PLEASE?!?! ...
... Alright, here's the stinkin' rp ...
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This... is Xtrmkor.
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[The camera opens... to the Hell Hole. Sinister City's very own crappy, run-down, poorly lit, small fit arena. Almost like the original ECW's Hammerstein Ballroom... only far, FAR trashier.]
[Two men stand in the center of the ring, set up in the center of the arena. Two men... one, Wes Rivers, the other, Rex Winters. Both with microphones.]
Wes: Hello sports fans! Welcome to World Sports Entertainment's brand NEW home arena, the one and only "Hell Hole" in wonderful, beautiful, Sinister City, Utah!
Rex: Are you BLIND man?! This place is a DUMP! The only thing wonderful and beautiful around here is my gorgeous face... and ass!
Wes: I do NOT need to hear about your posterior, Rex...
Rex: I know, but all the lovely ladies around the world can't get enough of it! ... Too bad none of them are watching. ... Of course, none of the dudes are watching either. Friggin' Weather Channel cancelling Nitro, and forcing us to do all of our material via GeoCities. ... Wes, you do know about Yahoo closing GeoCities, right?
Wes: ... What? What do you mean? Of course they're not! GeoCities has been around for TEN YEARS! There's no chance in HELL they'd do something that foolish! Nothing that lasts for ten years could possibly...
Rex: Well, just because BOB's still around...
Wes: Who's Bob?
Rex: Not "Bob", BOB!
Wes: ... Huh?
Rex: Brawler's on a Budget! WSE's only competition! Wes, five of our own roster members competed on one of their OnDemand events only a few days ago, I'm sure you've heard of them?
Wes: Well... to tell the truth, I don't exist outside of "WSE 24/7" and our PaperViews. So, you know, the whole "Outside World" is kinda foreign to me.
Rex: Is your name Wes or Shane?
Wes: Who the hell's Shane?
Rex: Oh, nevermind...
Wes: And nevermind I will sports fans, because tonight, in THIS very ring -
Rex: Which looks about as pretty as dog vomit and smells just as good...
Wes: - our two champions will go head to head, title for title! Xtrmkor Champion, Drunk Ass Austin Stevens, will take on WSE Heavyweight Champion, HollyRock, in a no dq, no count-outs, extreme, hardcore, falls-cout-anywhere, anything goes Sinister City STREETFIGHT!
Rex: So, basically... a hardcore match.
Wes: Well, if you wanna dumb it down, I suppose.
Rex: Yeah, I know, right? Logic in the new millenium is SOOO boring...
Wes: BUT ANYWAY, this match will also be contested in an empty arena, to add to the hardcore element.
Rex: Which is kayfabe for "Chairman Jack Hoff didn't feel like paying a bunch of people to pack the seats like he usually does".
Wes: AHEM... Anyway, the Xtrmkor Champ, Drunk Ass, is standing outside the ring, at the bottom of the ramp, awaiting the arrival of the WSE Champion, HollyRock...
[The Not-The-Titan-Tron comes to life, showing the image of a helicopter flying over Hollywood... the 'copters searchlight targets in on the Hollywood sign... When suddenly, the "Wood" part of the sign is set ablaze! The fire rages, until all that's left is the word "Holly". Someone in a black tanktop and track pants uses his strength to shove up off the ground another sign... this sign is pushed into place, right next to "Holly"... and the entire sign now reads ; "HOLLYROCK". The figure in the track pants walks over to the side of the sign, pulls out a championship belt, and slings it over his shoulder. The chopper's searchlight steadies over the figure... and our camera zooms in... revealing it to be the WSE Champion, none other than HollyRock! HollyRocky arches his eyebrow, and a voiceover whispers over the speaker system in an ominous tone... ]
Speakers: ... just pooted.
[HollyRock bends over in front of the camera in the middle of the helicopter's light, and rips a juicy fart!]
Rex: ... BWAHAHAHA! I LOVE Rock's new video! It even shows the gas emitting from the back of those 50,000 dollar trackpants! HollyRock is SO much better now than when he went under "Rocky Joe-Kishi-Maga"!
Wes: Yeah, well, all I know is he stabbed each and every one of the fans in the back when he turned on "Those Guys" and became the new co-leader of The Glass Ceiling Gang. He should be ASHAMED!
Rex: You should be ashamed off that cheesy suit...
Wes: Hey! My mom always tells me I'm a sharp dresser!
Rex: Phff, heheh! Your MOM?! What, do you still live in your mom's house or something?!
Wes: No... just her basement...
Rex: HA! You are SUCH a loser, Wes! Seriously, lemme tell ya, I just moved into an apartment here in Sinister City, and while it's pretty much a fire hazard, a rat trap, and a roach motel all balled up into one nasty mess, atleast I can say I live on my own! Why, if I had to tell one of my buds I lived with my MOM... Honestly, I'm sorry Wes, but that's just...
[BAMMO!]
[Wes falls to the canvas, a victim of a shot from a black baseball bat... Rex looks at the assailant, who is dressed in black track pants, and a black t-shirt with "HollyRock" printed across the front... but the man wears a wide-brimmed, black cowboy hat, black, dark sunglasses, and a black bandanna around his mouth... so it's hard to tell if this is really Rocky...]
Rex: ... HollyRock?
[Drunk Ass rolls into the ring, and crouches into position, ready to hit the Drunk Ass Drop as soon as "Rocky" turns around... but is suddenly spun around himself.]
Rex: BLOCKBUSTER!!! And THAT'S HollyRocky! So, who in the heck is...
[The man in the hat, bandanna, and glasses rips these off and tosses them aside...]
Rex: Holy CRAP! It's BOB's Swiss Army champion, AXL VAN HALEN!!! Brawlers on a Budget... have they just invaded WSE?!
[Axl smiles at Rex, before looking at HollyRocky. Axl and Rock bump knuckles, before Axl... Axl's going for the pin on Stevens! AND HE GETS IT! Axl has just won the Xtrmkor Title!]
Rex: Oh, dude! Axl, can I be the first member of the WSE staff to officially welcome you to the company! And may I congratulate you on your victory over Drunk Ass, and becoming the Xtrmkor champion! You're now the holder of TWO titles! Do you have any words for those at home? ... Well, whoever's bored enough to log onto GeoCities and check this garbage out?
[Axl stands up from pinning Drunk Ass, grabs the Xtrmkor title from the ref, and slings the Xtrmkor title over one shoulder, the Swiss Army over the other. Wes Rivers is STILL ko'ed, and Drunk Ass Austin Stevens has vanished because this was his last match and I decided to delete him from the roster page. Hey, like Scotty Whatbody said at Gluttons for Punishment, the world's already had enough Stone Cold parodies. It's time for the John Cena and Edge and Y2J parodies to have their time in the sun! ... Oh, and parodies of the Rock. Cuz we all know there haven't been much of THOSE!]
Rex: Uh... "The Crock" ring any bells?
[You mean the XAW version?]
Rex: No, the WWE one.
[Oh... you're sure it's not the GNA one?]
Rex: No, you know, the one that Triple H did when Rock was in the Nation of Domination?
[Hm... what about the WWECWCWWF parody?]
Rex: No, no... well, actually, come to think of it, alot of e-feds did that EXACT same gimmick...
[Yeah, you're right... well, Stone Cold is old. The Rock's STILL relevant!]
Rex: You call Return to Witch Mountain "relevant"?
[... YOU HAVE AN INTERVIEW TO DO! So DO it! Raza frackin'...]
Rex: Ahem... Axl -
[Axl grabs the microphone away from Rex, and HollyRock grins. He places a palm on the head of the mic, and whispers something to Axl. Axl grins...]
Axl: [tilts his head back] FINALLY...
[Axl lowers his head, looking into the camera]
Axl: ... The Axe Man... has COME... to World Sports Entertainment. [looks over to HollyRock] Did I nail it, or did I NAIL it?
HollyRock: Nailed it.
Axl: Awesome. [looks back at camera] Fans... if there ARE any fans, that is... I just want to let all of you ugly, disgusting, pig feet gobbling REDNECKS out there, that the champ... [lifts both belts into the air] ... IS HERE!
HollyRock: Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA... Ixnay on the ripping off Cena. That's John Semen's schtick.
Axl: Oh... whoopsie. Anyway, I just want to set the record straight. I'm not joining WSE. And BOB isn't invading WSE. I don't know WHAT gave you that idea, Rex.
Rex: Oh... I just thought -
Axl: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THOUGHT!!!
[Axl smiles over at HollyRock, who gives the thumbs up. Axl then returns his glare to the camera.]
Axl: You see, the fact of the matter is this... I came here to WSE, not simply to take this belt from Drunk Ass, but to do something revolutionary... something ground shaking... something foundation ALTERING...
Rex: No! You don't mean -
Axl: Yes, indeed I do!
Rex: You're getting Pat Benatar to sing "Love is a Battlefield" at our next Paper View, The Great American BackLash at the Beach?! YOU SOOO ROCK!!!
Axl: ... No.
Rex:
Axl: I'm merging the Xtrmkor title... with the Swiss Army title... to create the very FIRST cross-promotional title between Brawlers on a Budget and World Sports Entertainment : The Swiss Army 24/7 Title!!!
Rex: ... I'd still prefer Benatar.
[Axl hands the Xtrmkor title over to HollyRock, who folds it up and places it inside a suitcase... before pulling out a large, face-plate sized sticker from the case. HollyRock gives Axl the sticker, and Axl peels the sticker from its paper... Axl then slaps the sticker over the face-plate of the Swiss Army strap. He holds the belt HIGH into the air... The title now reads, across the sticker, "24/7", with the word "Swiss" above, and "Army" below, both in smaller lettering.]
Axl: BEHOLD... the Swiss Army 24/7 CHAMPIONSHIP!!!
[HollyRock gives a small round of applause, while Rex returns the microphone to his own mouth.]
Rex: Well, there you have it folks! Tonight, on this night, at night, under a night sky, not tomorrow night, not last night, but TOnight... Axl has become the very first EVER... BOB/WSE Swiss Army 24/7 Champion!!!
[Suddenly, Axl is creamed from behind -
Rex: HAHAHA *snort* Sorry... HA! Creamed from behind, whoo boy!
[... Axl is attacked from the back -
Rex: For Axl, that's the ONLY way to be attacked!!! HAHA, I'll be here all night folks!
[Oh brother... Someone strikes Axl... and it's WES! Wes drops Axl with the black bat Axl brought in when he was disguised under the cowboy hat and shades... Wes goes for the cover!!! He gets a two count, but HollyRock pulls Wes off Axl, and Axl rolls to the outside, clutching the 24/7 title to his chest. HollyRock sends fist after fist toward Wes' face, backing him up to the ropes... When Wes is cornered against the ropes, Rock pulls back his hand in an outstretched palm, looks at it, and licks it... before rocketing the full force of his punch at Wes' mush, sending him tumbling over the top and to the outside. Axl rushes for the exit as fast as his feet can take him, and HollyRock climbs to the top turnbuckle. As "Epic" by Faith No More hits (the theme of 'The Glass Ceiling Gang'), HollyRock raises a fist to the sky... giving the camera the "Critic's Eyebrow"... as cameras fade to black.]
| These are the days that try men's lives...
... and which change porks feet into elephant ears. |[/B]
look into these eyes...
... what do you see?
a king... or a jester?
a prince of darkness... a knight in glistening armor...
or do you see nothing?
...
i am so much more than what you believe
i am a joke
but i am as serious as a heart attack
i am not reeve...
or rayne...
or axl...
or jj mynuz...
or kruzifix...
or viruz...
or jack hoff...
... or even legion
and i am not javex valerius
i am not merely a character in an e-fed...
... i am human
and i am determined to make each and every one of you realize this simple truth
i am comedy... but i am honesty
and soon...
... the two will merge
and become one
...
from now on... i am... who i am
i am mac bry
THE mac bry
and this is my home...
... God. It's good to be back.
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It has come to my attention that two of my superstars, employees of the greatest wrestling company known to man and three of the sports BEST athletes, are former workers of yours. And for months now, ever since entering my establishment, they have shown flashes of brilliance... but have always seemed to have something holding them back. Some unknown force clamping down on their potential and never letting go. Wedging itself between these two athletic GODS... and the future that is so rightfully theirs for the taking. And finally, after months of not being able to get a word out of them as to exactly what occured in their past, one of them spoke up. One by the name... of JJ Mynuz. You may have heard of him. He worked for you people dilligently, and without breaking a sweat he even defeated some idiot by the name of Saidogai.
Yes, you people misused his talent, and abused his ego. So much so that when he came to work for me, he could barely speak without rambling on, using meaningless words such as "hizzle" and "fo shizzle". Whatever the hell that means. But before long, I transormed him into a world-class champion. And not to mention, the planet's FIRST cardboard-selling record rap artist. But something still plagued him. And I was determined to find out just what it was. He told me of a place where the fans had to sit through boring, mundane matches FILLED with restholds and chinlocks... a company so full of itself that it allows over the hill, past their prime geezers such as Adam Bawm and Brian Williams to take control out from beneath it's president's nose, and do whatever the hell they please! And the thing that wrenched my gut, the thing that nearly drove me to take a gun and put it to my head so I could remove myself from a world that would just stand by and let it happen... you people gave one certain individual a title shot. A WORLD title shot. And then when he fell short by a mere inch, did you exalt him for his efforts? Did you give him his deserved rematch? DID YOU EVEN GIVE THE MAN A SIMPLE "NICE TRY"?!
...
No. No, you didn't. And you want to know WHY you didn't? Because somewhere, deep down inside of you, you KNEW that HAD he won, you would have had to worship at HIS feet, the very same feet you ridiculed for stepping out from the closet. Yes, that's right. End Gay. Or End Game as he was once known. These two men have the potential to take over not only the wrestling world, but nations, continents... Earth as we know it. JJ Mynuz and the monster that IS End Game should be your World and US title holders. But they're not. But what ARE they? JJ Mynuz? Now known as W.D. Jackson, or Wheelin' Dealin' Jackson, the Granddaddy of Funk, the man that puts James Brown to shame each and every time he laces up the dancing shoes, W.D. is the XWCWFECW Interplanetary champion. Not to mention he's just like Catnip for the ladies.
And End Gay? He has re-adopted his birth name of Wes Rivers, and has climbed the ladder of sports entertainment success. He is now MY World's champion. And quite frankly, he's doing better here than he would have EVER done there. You see, my superstars are of a caliber higher than that of yours. While the AWA stalls around in the past, the XWCWFECW blazes a trail into the future. While the AWA relies on its laurels to carry it [as few and far between as they may be], the XWCWFECW breaks through a new wall every single damn time it hits America's air. Quite frankly, an AWA super-star wouldn't know what to DO if he ever stepped foot in an XWCWFECW ring. And to prove this? Heheh... to prove this, I am sending two, yes that's right, TWO of my highest caliber men to your company.
And I can guaran-damn-tee you that by the time September rolls around, they will have defeated every single member of your roster, and held atLEAST one title, if not every last one your pathetic "company" has to offer. And just who ARE these two men I dare to send to enemy territory? Well, I call them the Industry. Named as such because they are just that. THE Industry. They are what this business is all about. Or what it SHOULD be about, in the eyes of this visionary. Brutal, tough, hungry powerhouses, with take-no-prisoner attitudes, just like my champion Wes Rivers. G & W, two of the most vicous monsters this sport has ever seen.
============================================
The Lost Script for the Lost Boys World Order...
----------------------------------------------------
- The camera opens to a familiar scene. A ravaged Forest, where abundant life once sprung forth, and now... nothing but death. The camera at first slowly passes onward past a few patches of crab grass, but suddenly, a howl is heard, and the camera begins to shift hastily, as if struck by something. But yet, the camera ventures forward, past a few scarred trees... before again, a howl is heard, and the camera spins around in a total 360, leaving a few viewers assuredly dizzy. We venture finally into the view of an abandoned cabin... -
- And the camera instantly fills with static. The static takes hold of the screen for a mere ten seconds before it quickly disperses, replaced by a black and white screen. We are obviously seeing things through another camera... a lower-budget camera. A camera with the red dot and abbreviation "REC" in the upper-right hand corner. The camera is being held [very shakily mind you] inside of the aforementioned cabin, and with the black and white color scheme, things are hard to see. Whether this is intentional or not isn't quite clear just yet... -
"Mick, can you please hold the camera still before I have OMA kick your teeth in like last time?"
Mick Johnson: Yes Reeve, whatever you say Reeve, oh holy savior of all that is sports entertainment.
"Was that sarcasm, Johnson?"
Mick: No, Reeve, you know I'm as pathetic as my cousin Mike, Reeve. I just lack the ability to sucker brainless trash like those that infest the MCW into hanging on my every word... Reeve. I love you, boss, and I'd do absolutely ANYTHING for you Reeve, you know that Reeve, don't ya Reeve, huh huh? Don't ya, don't ya?
"I know it, that's why I hired you. You have exactly what your cousin Mike DOESN'T: A mind that tells him who the real brains in this business belongs to. And thanks to the family genes, you know about the only useful thing a Johnson knows how to do: How to make a career out of hitting people with shovels and make it look like you have SOME semblance of actual wrestling skill. That's why, Mick, in addition to being my personal cameraman and all-around lackey, I am entrusting you with something that I snatched out of MJ's truck one cold night in St. Louis a few years back. It's not as good as a shovel, but..."
- Reeve reaches into a brown travel bag, and pulls out... a garbage bag. He reaches into the garbage bag and pulls out... a broom! Reeve shows the broom off to the camera, as well as the man behind it. -
"So, what do you think?"
Mick: I don't think -
"I know, it is a little too expensive a brand for the likes of you, but I'll give you the pleasure of holding it until I find a store that sells brooms at less than a buck. Jeez, a whole dollar just for a d@mn broom, it's highway robbery I tells ya! So, I'll put this over on the table [he does] and now, I'll address the waiting public."
"... Away from this crummy excuse for a Forest. Because you know Vlad, after you made your return trip to the scene of the crime, I got to thinking about a few things. I'm just like this Forest. Once upon a time... I was grand. I was the greatest thing to happen to this business, just like this Forest was the greatest thing to hit St. Louis. But I faltered. I stumbled. And before you knew it, I had hit rock bottom, and went down into a heap of flames just like the very ground I stand on. My whole career? Nothing more than a footnote in the annals of proffesional wrestling. And its all thanks to two men. The men that took my eye off the ball just long enough for that one-hit wonder Triksta to swoop in and take my rightful gold."
"Mike... you're the one who screwed me first. You made my life a living hell in XAW, and thanks to my gullibility at the time, I gave into you. I allowed myself to be portrayed as a fool for shooting for you when I SHOULD have been shooting for the title. But Vlad... you screwed me second. When there was noone in the title scene but a bunch of clowns and nobodys, you burnt the only home I knew down to its very core just so I wouldn't have the will to carry on. You were a distraction. Nothing more, nothing less. But so very well conceived a distraction that it ended my entire run in XAW. So Vlad, Mike, thank you. Thank you for taking away what I deserved, what I craved, what I fought for years to achieve, and had taken away from me by some... some DEAD RAPPER!!! If that trick Triksta was here, I would dismantle him piece by piece, until there was nothing left but a few threads of nappy hair and what shreds of self-respect that "man" had left. Mick... let's go."
- Reeve picks up the broom and shoves it into his garbage bag, before heaving it over his shoulder... we fade out for a bit... -
- And folks, I'd just like to take this time out to pay our last respects to the Forest. Yes, the beloved raYne Forest, where many good times were spent. Today, it marks the last day anyone will step foot inside the once lush surroundings of the once majestic, once splendiferous jungle that was, once, a magnificent work of natural art and beauty. We will miss you, dear friend... Now, back to the stupidity.
+ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ +
The following is a paid advertisement for the...
L...
B...
W...
O.
- Scene: XAW Arena. Yes, you read that right, XA-friggin-W Arena. And the time? The taping for a little show they like to call Thrashing. Taping, yes, what, did you think they REALLY ran that show live? Gullible nitwit you are... At the moment, they're taping the pre-Thrashing show to be played, get this, AFTER Thrashing actually airs! What geniuses we have working in this industry... And what's worse, the show only reaches to St. Louis and its immediate vicinity, which means the only people watching are the die-hard XAW followers. Which makes for a VERY small audience, trust me. The show? "XAW Friday Night Feet" [they do get points in originality, I'll give 'em that], named mainly because... uh... steel-toed boots are not allowed. Hey, good a reason as any, right? -
- And it is AT this show where our story truly begins. It's match #3, the main event seeing as how most of the show is filled with replays [of events which, in actuallity, have yet to occur]. And wouldn't ya know, two of the jobbers to fill up the b-show main event slot are none other than MCW's own "Future Tag Team Champions", NFH, better known as No F'ing Heat!!!~1 And their opponents for tonight? None other than two of XAW's legends, and two of the most revered men in this sport... Webby, and the Russian. Russian, for those who've never witnessed an XAW telecast, is a drunken man in a chicken suit who is prone to shouting, "WHOA! I am definitely not to being the Joey Lawrence!". Webby? A vodka bottle. -
- And strangely enough, Webby has pinned both Andy Griffith as well as Antacid. Talk about No... F'ing... Heat!!!~1 -
- As Griffith and Antacid [aka, Griffin and Antagonist] finish their search for their missing balls, remembering they had none to begin with, Webby takes the microphone. -
Webby: ...
A-Rob: BY GAWD! BY GAWD! DID YOU HEAR THAT FOLKS! WEBBY JUST CHALLENGED REEVE TO STEP INTO THIS HERE VERY RING... TONIGHT!! HE KNOWS THAT THE SHOW IS BACK IN TOWN, AND THE ONE MAN THAT CAN PUT A STOP TO THE REIGN OF TERROR IS NOT A MAN AT ALL, BUT IS OUR 10 INCH GREAT AMERICAN HERO!!! WILL REEVE INVADE OUR PRECIOUS ARENA AFTER MAKING HIS DEBUT IN THAT OTHER FED THAT WE CAN'T MENTION EVEN THOUGH HALF OUR ROSTER IS ALREADY EMPLOYED THERE?!
- Will Reeve show up, even though he's signed under contract to our beloved MCW? Will MCW ever realize that half our roster is comprised of XAW's better... worse... uh... other half? WILL THE MADNESS EVER CEASE?! -
- No. -
============================================
*static*
.
.
.
... And now... something from Brawlers on a Budget. The ONLY Parody Fed on the net ...
... Besides mine of course. World Sports Entertainment. ...
... Check it out in the link in my profile ...
... Please? ... PRETTY PLEASE?!?! ...
... Alright, here's the stinkin' rp ...
----------------------------------------------------
This... is Xtrmkor.
----------------------------------------------------
[The camera opens... to the Hell Hole. Sinister City's very own crappy, run-down, poorly lit, small fit arena. Almost like the original ECW's Hammerstein Ballroom... only far, FAR trashier.]
[Two men stand in the center of the ring, set up in the center of the arena. Two men... one, Wes Rivers, the other, Rex Winters. Both with microphones.]
Wes: Hello sports fans! Welcome to World Sports Entertainment's brand NEW home arena, the one and only "Hell Hole" in wonderful, beautiful, Sinister City, Utah!
Rex: Are you BLIND man?! This place is a DUMP! The only thing wonderful and beautiful around here is my gorgeous face... and ass!
Wes: I do NOT need to hear about your posterior, Rex...
Rex: I know, but all the lovely ladies around the world can't get enough of it! ... Too bad none of them are watching. ... Of course, none of the dudes are watching either. Friggin' Weather Channel cancelling Nitro, and forcing us to do all of our material via GeoCities. ... Wes, you do know about Yahoo closing GeoCities, right?
Wes: ... What? What do you mean? Of course they're not! GeoCities has been around for TEN YEARS! There's no chance in HELL they'd do something that foolish! Nothing that lasts for ten years could possibly...
Rex: Well, just because BOB's still around...
Wes: Who's Bob?
Rex: Not "Bob", BOB!
Wes: ... Huh?
Rex: Brawler's on a Budget! WSE's only competition! Wes, five of our own roster members competed on one of their OnDemand events only a few days ago, I'm sure you've heard of them?
Wes: Well... to tell the truth, I don't exist outside of "WSE 24/7" and our PaperViews. So, you know, the whole "Outside World" is kinda foreign to me.
Rex: Is your name Wes or Shane?
Wes: Who the hell's Shane?
Rex: Oh, nevermind...
Wes: And nevermind I will sports fans, because tonight, in THIS very ring -
Rex: Which looks about as pretty as dog vomit and smells just as good...
Wes: - our two champions will go head to head, title for title! Xtrmkor Champion, Drunk Ass Austin Stevens, will take on WSE Heavyweight Champion, HollyRock, in a no dq, no count-outs, extreme, hardcore, falls-cout-anywhere, anything goes Sinister City STREETFIGHT!
Rex: So, basically... a hardcore match.
Wes: Well, if you wanna dumb it down, I suppose.
Rex: Yeah, I know, right? Logic in the new millenium is SOOO boring...
Wes: BUT ANYWAY, this match will also be contested in an empty arena, to add to the hardcore element.
Rex: Which is kayfabe for "Chairman Jack Hoff didn't feel like paying a bunch of people to pack the seats like he usually does".
Wes: AHEM... Anyway, the Xtrmkor Champ, Drunk Ass, is standing outside the ring, at the bottom of the ramp, awaiting the arrival of the WSE Champion, HollyRock...
[The Not-The-Titan-Tron comes to life, showing the image of a helicopter flying over Hollywood... the 'copters searchlight targets in on the Hollywood sign... When suddenly, the "Wood" part of the sign is set ablaze! The fire rages, until all that's left is the word "Holly". Someone in a black tanktop and track pants uses his strength to shove up off the ground another sign... this sign is pushed into place, right next to "Holly"... and the entire sign now reads ; "HOLLYROCK". The figure in the track pants walks over to the side of the sign, pulls out a championship belt, and slings it over his shoulder. The chopper's searchlight steadies over the figure... and our camera zooms in... revealing it to be the WSE Champion, none other than HollyRock! HollyRocky arches his eyebrow, and a voiceover whispers over the speaker system in an ominous tone... ]
Speakers: ... just pooted.
[HollyRock bends over in front of the camera in the middle of the helicopter's light, and rips a juicy fart!]
Rex: ... BWAHAHAHA! I LOVE Rock's new video! It even shows the gas emitting from the back of those 50,000 dollar trackpants! HollyRock is SO much better now than when he went under "Rocky Joe-Kishi-Maga"!
Wes: Yeah, well, all I know is he stabbed each and every one of the fans in the back when he turned on "Those Guys" and became the new co-leader of The Glass Ceiling Gang. He should be ASHAMED!
Rex: You should be ashamed off that cheesy suit...
Wes: Hey! My mom always tells me I'm a sharp dresser!
Rex: Phff, heheh! Your MOM?! What, do you still live in your mom's house or something?!
Wes: No... just her basement...
Rex: HA! You are SUCH a loser, Wes! Seriously, lemme tell ya, I just moved into an apartment here in Sinister City, and while it's pretty much a fire hazard, a rat trap, and a roach motel all balled up into one nasty mess, atleast I can say I live on my own! Why, if I had to tell one of my buds I lived with my MOM... Honestly, I'm sorry Wes, but that's just...
[BAMMO!]
[Wes falls to the canvas, a victim of a shot from a black baseball bat... Rex looks at the assailant, who is dressed in black track pants, and a black t-shirt with "HollyRock" printed across the front... but the man wears a wide-brimmed, black cowboy hat, black, dark sunglasses, and a black bandanna around his mouth... so it's hard to tell if this is really Rocky...]
Rex: ... HollyRock?
[Drunk Ass rolls into the ring, and crouches into position, ready to hit the Drunk Ass Drop as soon as "Rocky" turns around... but is suddenly spun around himself.]
Rex: BLOCKBUSTER!!! And THAT'S HollyRocky! So, who in the heck is...
[The man in the hat, bandanna, and glasses rips these off and tosses them aside...]
Rex: Holy CRAP! It's BOB's Swiss Army champion, AXL VAN HALEN!!! Brawlers on a Budget... have they just invaded WSE?!
[Axl smiles at Rex, before looking at HollyRocky. Axl and Rock bump knuckles, before Axl... Axl's going for the pin on Stevens! AND HE GETS IT! Axl has just won the Xtrmkor Title!]
Rex: Oh, dude! Axl, can I be the first member of the WSE staff to officially welcome you to the company! And may I congratulate you on your victory over Drunk Ass, and becoming the Xtrmkor champion! You're now the holder of TWO titles! Do you have any words for those at home? ... Well, whoever's bored enough to log onto GeoCities and check this garbage out?
[Axl stands up from pinning Drunk Ass, grabs the Xtrmkor title from the ref, and slings the Xtrmkor title over one shoulder, the Swiss Army over the other. Wes Rivers is STILL ko'ed, and Drunk Ass Austin Stevens has vanished because this was his last match and I decided to delete him from the roster page. Hey, like Scotty Whatbody said at Gluttons for Punishment, the world's already had enough Stone Cold parodies. It's time for the John Cena and Edge and Y2J parodies to have their time in the sun! ... Oh, and parodies of the Rock. Cuz we all know there haven't been much of THOSE!]
Rex: Uh... "The Crock" ring any bells?
[You mean the XAW version?]
Rex: No, the WWE one.
[Oh... you're sure it's not the GNA one?]
Rex: No, you know, the one that Triple H did when Rock was in the Nation of Domination?
[Hm... what about the WWECWCWWF parody?]
Rex: No, no... well, actually, come to think of it, alot of e-feds did that EXACT same gimmick...
[Yeah, you're right... well, Stone Cold is old. The Rock's STILL relevant!]
Rex: You call Return to Witch Mountain "relevant"?
[... YOU HAVE AN INTERVIEW TO DO! So DO it! Raza frackin'...]
Rex: Ahem... Axl -
[Axl grabs the microphone away from Rex, and HollyRock grins. He places a palm on the head of the mic, and whispers something to Axl. Axl grins...]
Axl: [tilts his head back] FINALLY...
[Axl lowers his head, looking into the camera]
Axl: ... The Axe Man... has COME... to World Sports Entertainment. [looks over to HollyRock] Did I nail it, or did I NAIL it?
HollyRock: Nailed it.
Axl: Awesome. [looks back at camera] Fans... if there ARE any fans, that is... I just want to let all of you ugly, disgusting, pig feet gobbling REDNECKS out there, that the champ... [lifts both belts into the air] ... IS HERE!
HollyRock: Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA... Ixnay on the ripping off Cena. That's John Semen's schtick.
Axl: Oh... whoopsie. Anyway, I just want to set the record straight. I'm not joining WSE. And BOB isn't invading WSE. I don't know WHAT gave you that idea, Rex.
Rex: Oh... I just thought -
Axl: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THOUGHT!!!
[Axl smiles over at HollyRock, who gives the thumbs up. Axl then returns his glare to the camera.]
Axl: You see, the fact of the matter is this... I came here to WSE, not simply to take this belt from Drunk Ass, but to do something revolutionary... something ground shaking... something foundation ALTERING...
Rex: No! You don't mean -
Axl: Yes, indeed I do!
Rex: You're getting Pat Benatar to sing "Love is a Battlefield" at our next Paper View, The Great American BackLash at the Beach?! YOU SOOO ROCK!!!
Axl: ... No.
Rex:
Axl: I'm merging the Xtrmkor title... with the Swiss Army title... to create the very FIRST cross-promotional title between Brawlers on a Budget and World Sports Entertainment : The Swiss Army 24/7 Title!!!
Rex: ... I'd still prefer Benatar.
[Axl hands the Xtrmkor title over to HollyRock, who folds it up and places it inside a suitcase... before pulling out a large, face-plate sized sticker from the case. HollyRock gives Axl the sticker, and Axl peels the sticker from its paper... Axl then slaps the sticker over the face-plate of the Swiss Army strap. He holds the belt HIGH into the air... The title now reads, across the sticker, "24/7", with the word "Swiss" above, and "Army" below, both in smaller lettering.]
Axl: BEHOLD... the Swiss Army 24/7 CHAMPIONSHIP!!!
[HollyRock gives a small round of applause, while Rex returns the microphone to his own mouth.]
Rex: Well, there you have it folks! Tonight, on this night, at night, under a night sky, not tomorrow night, not last night, but TOnight... Axl has become the very first EVER... BOB/WSE Swiss Army 24/7 Champion!!!
[Suddenly, Axl is creamed from behind -
Rex: HAHAHA *snort* Sorry... HA! Creamed from behind, whoo boy!
[... Axl is attacked from the back -
Rex: For Axl, that's the ONLY way to be attacked!!! HAHA, I'll be here all night folks!
[Oh brother... Someone strikes Axl... and it's WES! Wes drops Axl with the black bat Axl brought in when he was disguised under the cowboy hat and shades... Wes goes for the cover!!! He gets a two count, but HollyRock pulls Wes off Axl, and Axl rolls to the outside, clutching the 24/7 title to his chest. HollyRock sends fist after fist toward Wes' face, backing him up to the ropes... When Wes is cornered against the ropes, Rock pulls back his hand in an outstretched palm, looks at it, and licks it... before rocketing the full force of his punch at Wes' mush, sending him tumbling over the top and to the outside. Axl rushes for the exit as fast as his feet can take him, and HollyRock climbs to the top turnbuckle. As "Epic" by Faith No More hits (the theme of 'The Glass Ceiling Gang'), HollyRock raises a fist to the sky... giving the camera the "Critic's Eyebrow"... as cameras fade to black.]
| These are the days that try men's lives...
... and which change porks feet into elephant ears. |[/B]
look into these eyes...
... what do you see?
a king... or a jester?
a prince of darkness... a knight in glistening armor...
or do you see nothing?
...
i am so much more than what you believe
i am a joke
but i am as serious as a heart attack
i am not reeve...
or rayne...
or axl...
or jj mynuz...
or kruzifix...
or viruz...
or jack hoff...
... or even legion
and i am not javex valerius
i am not merely a character in an e-fed...
... i am human
and i am determined to make each and every one of you realize this simple truth
i am comedy... but i am honesty
and soon...
... the two will merge
and become one
...
from now on... i am... who i am
i am mac bry
THE mac bry
and this is my home...
... God. It's good to be back.